By Sarah B
May 13, 2011
May 13, 2011
May 11, 2011
May 10, 2011
To truth, I guess.
By Sarah B
I. They ask why this and why that and I would answer them with a lengthy answer, a brief one, at times with nothing at all. How I wish I could tell them that there are no real answers, and when they raise their brows to this, I’d shrug and I’d smile and then change the topic. But people need answers and sometimes all they’d really want is to hear what they want to, so we let them. Others find it out on their own: there’s no real answer, there never has been.
II. There are birds and there are cars but sometimes all we have is the sky. I guess we could all call it a mystery, how it even ended up there and who was watching us from such a wide view. Because true enough, unlike birds and cars, the sky never leaves, and when the sun decides to show on your wedding day you just suppose that whoever was up there, he must like you.
III. Sylvia Curbelo’s “If You Need a Reason” tells us that things happen just because they do. Simple as that. If you need a reason, sorry to break you, but there isn’t any.
IV. There are two kids around the ages of four to five down the street from where I live. I’ve never seen them before in my life until this afternoon. Our house helper says the little girl with the long hair is the nurse’s kid from the same block, and the shy, chubby one’s mother is the kid I used to paint nails with. I didn’t know until today that she’s had a kid, I haven’t talked to her since she wasted all my red nail polish to scribble words on her wall.
I didn’t ask her little kid why—I didn’t even know where to begin. Her mother is only a few months older than I am, and I am 19, still finding myself in dilemmas such as where to spend the little money I had left: shoes or a movie? But this set of whys didn’t even matter, because the little kid existed and it was rude to ask why her mother didn’t finish college instead.
V. No real answer, these things just happen. And like the birds and the cars these whys will somehow disappear and we’re once again one step backward to finding the truth.
The more people there are and the older the world gets, the more pointless it becomes to ask why. We provide mathematical and scientific answers only to see that there is so much more we have left out. I guess that’s why art is around—because there have been attempts to express an answer that might somehow provide us truth. But art is beautiful and it suggests that the truth is beautiful. Maybe if we’re optimists, we could leave it at that. I think it’s an illusion—but maybe you could prove me wrong. Even when the world has resorted to war, and the old man you walked by hasn’t eaten in days—tell me that the truth is beautiful.
VI. Faith: That hurt is beautiful. That this beauty will teach us something that could suffice this longing for truth. That there is point in trying to be better, for trying to survive one day at a time. That there is an excuse for yearning and hoping. That truth is somewhere out there, like the sky, maybe, and if we reach far and hard enough, we’ll get it. This is one way of looking at things, I suppose.
May 10, 2011
May 10, 2011
SECRETS and/or LIES.
By Anonymous (for now).
i. Honesty
It wasn’t my intention to ever hurt you. Honest. But then again how will you ever trust me when I’ve kept so much from you? But then, when you—we—look at it, can you really say I’ve ever lied to you when all I ever did was detain information? Is it dishonest when all I did was keep quiet?
What can I do when my silence means hurting you with my secrecy,
But my words kill you?
Tell me, what do you want? We can suffer or die, but I swear to be by your side. Honest.
ii. Hesitatation
Perhaps the problem with relationships of any kind is determining when you must speak and what you can say and how you say these things. Another problem could be that human nature causes us to be uncertain and fearful of situations we cannot control.
(at least for the most of us anyway—bless the souls who live their lives on the edge and search for the truth without hesitation, but for those who unwittingly put themselves in such perilous situations, let them find a way to escape).
It’s hard to be human when we struggle to find the right words—
Sometimes, shutting up and keeping things hidden are your only options.
iii. Speak
I’m tired of hearing “I’m fine” and “I’m sorry” and “I love you” and—
I didn’t need the internet to tell me that these are the most often said lies. I can see it in your shifting glances, your crooked smirk, your itching fingers, and your foot that taps the floor to an inaudible rhythm.
Please speak because being told things that are only ever half-meant makes me feel like I don’t deserve anything complete when I’ve given you the entirety of my heart.
iv. Who knows?
We hang our heads low as we walk through the streets, the halls, the corridors filled with people we barely know and sometimes the butterflies in your stomach don’t feel like butterflies but moths that eat away at the thin fabric of your rationality. There are days when certain memories come back and linger, and the guilt that we once thought was gone forever has come back to haunt us.
There are just those days when even the most private secrets begin to seem like common knowledge, and though you know it’s impossible, all that runs through your troubled mind is
“Who knows?”
v. Let me tell you just one last thing.
This is a confession.
I cannot contain how your presence is enough to send a chill up my spine and gets my skin crawling. I cannot contain how your smile makes my stomach sink and my own go away. I cannot contain how your sense of humor renders me silent as you let out such a garish series of “ha’s” and “hee’s” and the occasionally pained groan. I cannot keep these things to myself any longer—how your overall appearance causes me to avert my eyes, how your voice makes me want to cover my ears, how your eagerness to approach me makes me extremely uncomfortable—
Let me tell you just one last thing, however.
I love you and all the discomfort you put me in makes me realize how weak a person I really am.
I won’t lie and say that I will change for you, but I can’t keep these feelings a secret either.
May 10, 2011
May 9, 2011
A Somebody Like DJ
By Sarah Buendia
There we were—the blinding lights, the uproar of a hundred fans, maybe even two, Nick Valensi screeching his Epiphone to the chords of Reptilia, Julian Casablancas with his unfailing god-like voice—cramped within the couches of Kenny Rogers in a humid summer afternoon.
Dianne, Ana and I were watching the Coachella music and arts festival live stream online when Derrick Jason Fabian, known to many as DJ or to the people of Facebook as Deej, came in late hoping to catch the latter half of The Strokes’ performance. A little intimidating, as usual, “the DJ presence,” a term the rest of us coined later in the afternoon—he sat in the armrest of my narrow couch and plugged in his headphones to my laptop. He arrived to the first few seconds of “You’re so Right.”
A few days ago I was having a conversation with DJ online about making it big-time. The Strokes, I mentioned, started to gain popularity when they were around twenty years old. DJ is 19. He had planned on making a name for himself soon and I could tell by his straight-forward answers that he was almost sure about this. I couldn’t blame him, because even if most of us aspire to become somebody at an early age and end up giving up on the first sign of failure, DJ was different. The way I see it, he was more than halfway there.
DJ in the eyes of his block mates and whoever else who knew his name recognized him as having an aura of a winner. I said this because knowing him meant knowing that he did a lot of things, and that in every aspect he seemed to know what he’s doing. He would be hired as an official photographer in club parties—events which he frequented, managed to get himself into the dean’s list of Ateneo, well-informed with entertainment and socially relevant news, played a little of this and that sport, and listened to a lot of music in which he could tell the bad from the good to the really good. Another thing, if I may add, was that he surprised us by throwing little pieces of trivia. For instance, a friend of ours was sweating profusely after having seen a girl he liked, and DJ suddenly told us that sweat formed by tension smelled worse that sweat from exercise. I can’t be entirely sure, but in my head, these things count.
“The DJ presence,” in effect, was the vibe one gets in being around a guy who did all these, and in a kind of confidence enviable by anyone who aspired to become as well-rounded as he was.
As soon as The Strokes finished their set with Take It Or Leave It, DJ asked permission to entertain some friends of his who also happened to be in the restaurant. I reminded him of our scheduled interview and he agreed to meet us later at his condo—a walking distance from where we were—while he handed me his keys.
His condo unit was a hipsterland. Welcoming anyone who went there was a wall with magazine cut-outs of the words “Happiness is…”, phrases written on post-its placed under it, photobooth pictures of him and his friends on another wall, an unimaginable number of beer bottles lined up neatly by the sink, and Christmas lights on his windows. For us who often visited the place (and there were, of course, a number of us), all these meant as the instant school day hang-out. He and his two friends were in the bedroom as I crammed my set of questions with the others.
My first question, inevitably, was for my benefit.
This is a weird question to start with but do you ever feel intimidated?
DJ: Yeah of course. Especially with those things I don’t know anything about. I just try to, you know, pretend like I know what I’m doing to compensate. [laughs]
Okay. ‘Cause we were talking about it earlier and we all said that there’s this thing called “The DJ presence.” We kind of decided that it’s a little intimidating so…do you have any tips on making this interview less intimidating?
DJ: There’s really no reason for people to be intimidated. I was never the alpha male type or anything; it’s just that I may come off a little too strong sometimes. Like, yeah, I want to be in control of things, but I’m not necessarily the type na, I want to be overbearing. If you feel natural with me, it will just follow suit and I’ll be a bit easier to understand… if only you show me that you’re not at all affected or anything. I guess. I guess.
All right then. Let’s, um, let’s ask you about you.
DJ: Okay.
What’s DJ been busy about lately?
DJ: Lately, just random things like…these kinds of things. I just go to Katipunan at lunch then I just ask people if they wanna hang out. I’ve been talking to my old friends recently. I just talked to my best friend from grade school, best friend from high school. They study in La salle and UP but then I make time to catch up because I don’t want to lose ties in college even if we’re studying in different schools. So mostly just catching up. Basically making the most out of a school-less summer.
People see you as a guy who does a lot of things. It makes us wonder how you do it. How in the world do you manage your time?
DJ: For one, I don’t like having idle time so I always try to fit things in a schedule. Not always a solid schedule but basta I know I’m doing something. So if there’s one thing I really wanna do, I make time for it. Those people, my best friends from before, we’d always be “Next time na lang blah blah blah”, but I always try to be “Oh you want next week?” For those artsy fartsy shits, when I have idle time at home or when opportunity presents itself, I just go for it. I don’t wanna miss out on anything.
You mentioned the other day that you wanted to make a name for yourself.
DJ: Yeah.
Are you giving yourself a deadline? A certain age or date perhaps?
DJ: Sort of. I want a name for myself by the time I’m in third year or something like that. I want it to be an easy transition from like college to working ‘cause, you know, artists have to be noticed. I don’t want to be the type na starving artist sacrificing everything for the art, I want to earn pa rin kahit papano. It’s not smart to just go on and make art without having any compensation for yourself because that’s plain stupid. I want to be known as an artist or in whatever aspect I grow into by the time I’m in third year. It could be easier for me to find something to do that’s worthwhile that way.
So what is it that you like to do especially? Any specific thing that you want to be famous for?
DJ: Nothing exact but then like I said before, the “jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none”? I don’t want that, but that’s how I see myself. But hopefully, and mostly, I guess design. Parang, “Oh this guy has good ideas!” or “He’s creative blah blah blah”. I want to just make things out of something through graphic design. Even though, you know, I’m not as adept as other people. I just wanna grow into it. I do have a name to make.
We know you make playlists online too. What if it happens to be a real job, would you take it?
DJ: Something in the music industry would be nice. I have a few friends who have bands. It’s nice to have those kinds of people who produce their own music where I could give personal input. I have this friend who’s in a band called “She’s only 16.” Yeah. I listen to their music and I tell them “Hey this sounds nice, but you might wanna do this.” I tell them that because it’s a hidden dream of mine to be some band manager or to have those nice prod companies, like sina RA Rivera or sila Diego Mapa. They know people who are practically friends from before. It’s easy for them to go around that circle of people na creative sila lahat. Something like that.
In a scale of 1-10, how close do you think you are in achieving your goal?
DJ: I guess around 6.
Last few questions, I promised, after his friends that we just met started getting ready to leave. He told me it was okay, but I felt the need to lighten up the mood.
The UK or the US?
DJ: UK, definitely. But the thing is, it’s kind of in conflict with my life-long dream to live in New York. But then again, either way it would be nice. UK has a lot of these talents, these really, really eccentric types of art and people. Already in the US, it’s kinda hackneyed, the whole being different thing. Everyone tries to be so avant garde but it almost always ends up looking foolishly stupid. In the UK, it’s amazing how people become successful in it. They have this image that separates them from others. So creativity-wise, I like UK. Althoooough, I still like the idea of living the whole New York dream. If that doesn’t happen, London’s nice. I love London.
Let’s go to the subject of girls. Would you rather be with someone whom you can listen to for hours without get tired of, or someone you can look at for a long period of time and not get tired of?
DJ: Hmmm. Hard question. For me, part of the perfect girl thing is that one, she has to have enough mental capacity to have a nice, stimulating, intellectual conversation. But then again, one thing that really, really, really makes me say “Wow!” is a girl with that one smile that without even saying anything, it’s just…there. So it’s kinda hard to pick but I guess…hmmmm…brains matter more.
Last question. I’m sorry if this is random but, what did you think of The Strokes’ Coachella performance earlier?
DJ: THE SHIT. Even though live streaming was choppy and I missed half of it, it was…something. I like the whole demeanour of Julian Casablancas, that he’s just like, “Fuck it, whatever!” or “Everyone just have fun!” You know, he slurs up some words and sometimes he doesn’t make sense at all. But it’s something I like about the band. The band is also great, skills-wise. They’re up there. People think they’re just tacky but they’re actually really good. They’re up there. In the top 3 I guess.
Who’re the other two?
DJ: Arctic Monkeys and Eraserheads. Those three bands have a different kind of effect on me.
-
As a college freshman, DJ has about a year and a half left before his goal of making a name for himself should have been achieved. At the rate that he’s in, this gave him enough time (especially being known in their block as an alcohol connoisseur) to party and have fun from time to time.
He was pretty good at it, too.
We concluded the afternoon by lazily hanging around his bedroom, talking about how we’d be spending the upcoming Holy Week and a few other things. We also talked about plans for 4/20.■
May 9, 2011
May 9, 2011
MGMT and Other Drugs
By Maria Dianne Santos
“Shock me like an electric eel, baby girl, turn me on with your electric feel…” – Electric Eel, MGMT
This is one of my favorite lines from a band I have recently grown to love. I have fallen in love with MGMT and their music in a span of only one week. MGMT’s music is different from the conventional pop rock music that is considered as mainstream these days. MGMT’s music is classified as psychedelic rock which is characterized by being “trippy” having studio effects such as distortions, reverbs, and synths. This kind of music also tries to reproduce the feeling when a person is under the influence of psychedelic drugs that alter thinking and perception which is relatively seen in MGMT’s music videos.
I hardly remember how I found out about the band but if my memory serves me right it was during the discourse of my Tumblring, a verb newly coined after the rather addicting activity provided by the social networking site Tumblr. I came across a picture of a shirtless beautiful man in my account’s dashboard. I immediately checked the tags right beneath the picture and voila! Andrew Vanwyngarden, it said. I googled him right away and found out that he was the lead singer of MGMT.
It became an obsession shortly afterwards. The kind that could be best described by the 2000 film Almost Famous quote, “…to love some silly little music or some band so much, that it hurts.” I watched truckloads of interviews so I could get a decent background on the band, hopefully to get you to listen to them too. Here are a few things I have come to know:
Band members Ben Goldwasser and Andrew VanWyngarden went to the Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut. According to both Ben and Andrew, they met at the school cafeteria or in one of those parties or orientations during their freshman year. “I think we both had a little instant flash of our lives,” Andrew says in an interview at the Lowlands. Months later, they started playing, or more appropriately, “synthesizing” music together. Most of which were done through computers. Their first written song was “Kids,” which started as an instrumental song. It became an instant favorite of many, most probably for its funky, danceable music and relatable lyrics which dealt with everybody’s rock star fantasy.
During their early years, their performances were done karaoke style but in the years of their progress as musicians, they started performing live. Matthew Asti, James Richardson and Will Berman teamed up with their live band which later on joined them after the release of their first studio album entitled “Oracular Spectacular.”
In their latest interviews, they have said that they might be going on tour next year probably at the major cities in the world except Asia, which is, truth be told, a little too heartbreaking. But because as a fangirl I was surely bound to do something silly, I consulted the magic 8-ball. And according to it, when asked if I would see ever see them live, quite aptly, it read, “yes in due time.” So maybe not in the near future, but I still ardently believe in seeing them perform onstage right with my very own eyes. It is a little humbler than a rockstar fantasy, and hey, everyone can dream right?
As I was browsing through hundreds of interviews, it is inevitable that I bump into the different—by that I mean, weird thoughts of the band. There was this certain interview where the band was invited into a radio station and Andrew VanWyngarden mentioned about his “smart condom” which is a permanent condom that automatically shuts when it detects semen and opens if the substance is piss and this might solve the issue on overpopulation, AIDS and other sexually –involved problems that exist in our society today. These are some other proofs that the band not just takes their music seriously, but constantly adds fun to it, too. But this is just another way of saying that they’re probably on something at the time.
On top of everything, with tiny bits of information about MGMT, all I want to do is to meet them personally maybe watch them live then meet them backstage for a short interview and take some pictures with them and tell people about it in hopes of you listening to them too. They’re too good to pass up.
As I could see with the only interaction I have with them (aka Tumblr, Youtube, Google, oh god thank you internet!), that the band keeps it real. They do what they do and be what they want to be at the pace they want, which made me get attached to the band easily. Not to mention that they’re both eye-candies too.
I’ve since wanted to be like William Miller in Almost Famous. To meet the band up close and get to spend a lot of time with them and hopefully write more interesting stuff about the band, something way better than this one. Forgive this one if it’s such a bore. They really are a great band.
May 9, 2011
May 9, 2011
May 9, 2011
Editor’s Note
By Sarah Buendia
When I first met E2, a block two batches after the one I belong to, I would address them as “my kids”. Shortly afterwards though, I could hardly call them that anymore. Well… that’s because they were neither biologically produced by me, nor—more especially—was I any more mature than these people are.
I met this group of BFA Information Design freshmen during my junior year in the Ateneo. An interesting bunch, I must say: comprising of varied characters and talents, a certain kind of clever humour, an undeniable appreciation for the arts, spontaneous calls for inumans, a weird tendency to put the word “also” in every conversation, and an immense love for the cartoon series Adventure Time.
After a crazy whirlwind of events, I found myself spending most of my free time with them. Eventually, I would be invited to block parties and hang-outs. Only recently, I created a team with them in an attempt to create this magazine which you are about to take on.
It wasn’t at all difficult to see that these people are capable of great things. If anything, they became my main inspiration of wanting to get things done again.
While most of them have had experiences in publishing and have been working on making a name for themselves, this magazine would be another good venue for them to channel their creative juices into. It was also something I personally asked them to be a part of in hopes of being able to document such colourful lives—something I wished they could all proudly call their own, and which, in the future, they could all look back to in remembrance of their humble beginnings.
But this was made not only for their benefit but also because we decided that we wanted to share a fresh perspective. What are the things college students are into now? What kinds of music and films do they like? What forms of art do they enjoy? What do they think of how technology affects the world? What is currently in the mind of the next great innovator? What is love to them? It’s 2am—do you know where your college son is?
During the past year, I was fortunate enough to get to know them. In the making of this, I have seen great potentials materialize. Now it’s your turn to do the same. Turn to the next page.
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